Colton Underwood may be best know for his time on The Bachelorette, Bachelor in Paradise and as the Bachelor. However, in his new book, The First Time: Finding Myself and Looking for Love on Reality TV, he dives into much more.
Underwood, 28, did not hold back about his sexuality, his parents’ divorce, his post-Bachelor life with Cassie Randolph and his first love, Aly Raisman. The duo dated from August 2016 to April 2017.
“Aly was easy to talk to. She was open, funny, bright, honest, and inquisitive. She laughed easily and had a smile that I would’ve been happy to simply gaze at for the rest of the night, no further conversation necessary,” the Indiana native wrote in the memoir, out on Tuesday, March 31. “It was very late when I dropped her back at her hotel, and when I said I’d had a great time, I meant it. Later that night, Aly texted me a thank-you. Neither of us had expected to get on as well as we did. For a first date, it couldn’t have gone better.”
In the book, the former football player also discussed the rumors in high school that he was gay — which was some of the toughest things for him to open up about.
“The hardest part was definitely opening up and sort of talking about early on in grade school and even in high school, getting called gay,” he told Us Weekly in an exclusive interview. “The reason I say that is because it came back up when I was the Bachelor. I think it was very easy for fans and very easy for people to just — [when] they don’t understand something or if they don’t agree with somebody, they have to, in their mind, get from point A to point B. So point B is, ‘Oh, he’s gay. That’s why he’s a virgin. He’s just hiding it from us.'”
Scroll through the gallery below for the biggest revelations from the book about life before and after his time in Bachelor Nation.
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Underwood explained that he was very hurt by his parents’ divorce, which he found out about before he began his junior year of college. “My parents’ split was a jarring hit. As with those ferocious hits on the football field that come out of nowhere, it was hard to get up after that one,” he wrote. “The second I heard the word divorce, it was like getting knocked down and out by a three-hundred-pound lineman and having everything look different when I finally regained consciousness. I thought of divorce as the ultimate failure.”
He also noted he was disappointed and angry in his parents and questioned his “faith in God.”
Courtesy Colton Underwood/Instagram (2)
While in the locker room with the Philadelphia Eagles, he was asked what his “number” was — and he was sick of lying about his virginity. “To most of them, I was a pretty boy who had an easy time with the ladies. I did nothing to dispel such impressions, in fact, and even contributed to them with white lies and noncommittal nods and assertions when stories were told in the locker room,” he wrote. “I didn’t want to avoid it. I simply felt compelled to share the truth, and with a here-goes-nothing gulp of air, I said, ‘Zero.’”
Underwood explained that he had his first kiss in ninth grade and while he was attracted to his first girlfriend, he’d make excuses when she seemed “interested and willing to go faster and further” than he wanted to go: “You didn’t have to be a therapist to diagnose what was going on. It was called avoidance. With a capital A."
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After his second girlfriend and him broke up, rumors spread that he was gay — and his mother heard about it. She told him she’d still support him if he was gay. He said he wasn’t. However, his dad spoke to him about it again.
“He’d called up the history of recent Google searches, which included gay porn sites and a variety of questions: Am I gay? How do you know if you’re gay? Why don’t I like having sex with my girlfriend?” the reality star wrote. “At first, I denied responsibility. Then I owned up to having been curious. He asked if I wanted to talk about it. I said no, explaining that I’d figured things out on my own. I begged him not to tell Mom. I’m sure he did. But neither of them ever spoke about it with me. All that research, though, led me to understand that I was definitely attracted to girls.”
Rich Fury/Invision/AP/Shutterstock
In fact, that was when he decided he would wait until he was in love to have sex. “That became my safe zone,” he penned in the book. “Sometimes I wonder if my life would have been much easier if I had been gay. Maybe it would’ve helped me to know myself better and sooner. Maybe I wouldn’t have stayed a virgin. Maybe I wouldn’t have asked 'Who am I?' as often as I did and suffered as much angst because I didn’t have an answer. Identity was such a big question mark with me. Yes, I was a football player. But what else was I? Was there anything more?”
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In the book, Underwood chronicles how he met the Olympian and fell in love with her. On their second date, she asked if he was a virgin and “the slow lane was fine with both of us.” Their issues included trusting both themselves and each other. He said “I love you too” after he thought she said it. She told him she wasn’t ready to say it but didn’t know why.
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Soon after, she opened up to him about what happened with Larry Nassar, which made him feel helpless. “I wanted to find Nassar and rip his head off,” Underwood wrote. When she went public about the abuse she had gone through, he stayed by her side and assured her of her safety.
A month later, she told him she loved him too: “Hearing her say those words in the midst of all that she was dealing with, it made me fall in love with her all over again. She was fierce, with a heart so big and deep. I wanted to take care of her that much more.”
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Underwood wrote that he was struggling for money during their relationship, after a $40,000-shoulder surgery took mostof his savings: "The rest went for plane tickets and hotels to see Aly. I even sold my car."
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Two weeks after Raisman said “I love you” to Underwood, the pair went to an event together in Houston. They parted ways at the airport and the next day, she FaceTimed him to end the relationship. He was driving at the time.
“I pulled over to the side of the road, stunned and unable to comprehend this was happening,” he wrote. “Aly said she felt overwhelmed, confused, and in need of a break. Afterward, I sat in my car and cried. I was numb for days."
He reached out multiple times afterward and she didn't respond; he also called her best friend, Simone Biles, "hoping she could offer an explanation or insight," but she could not. He felt he did something wrong.
However, he realizes now that he is a “better and wiser man” for opening his heart to Raisman. While doing the Bachelorette, he made it clear he wouldn’t talk about her and the show respected that.
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When he began going through casting for The Bachelorette, he was told to look at the current girls on the season and share which he was into — his answers were Becca Kufrin, Tia Booth and Lauren Burnham. He followed them all on Instagram (they were set to private) and then one night, Booth responded to a Story on his Instagram about Stranger Things.
“We exchanged numbers and texted fast and furiously throughout the day and night. It didn’t seem like either of us slept. Two days later, I FaceTimed with her,” Underwood wrote. “I couldn’t believe that we were doing this. It seemed crazy."
Matt Baron/Shutterstock; Broadimage/Shutterstock
After finding out he’d be on The Bachelorette, he and Booth met in person in Los Angeles, something that raised red flags for his dad.
“Was I trying to scheme a little? Yes. If Tia was going to be the Bachelorette, I wanted a head start on all the other guys. I knew the importance of preparing for a big game, and all I was really doing was preparing,” Underwood wrote. “I wanted to get to know Tia in person and let her get to know me better. Maybe we’d even really like each other. I think Tia had similar thoughts.”
While there, he told Booth he was a virgin and she respected it. She was convinced he’d end up on the show — and that Kufrin would be the Bachelorette, not her. However, she was hopeful.
ABC/Paul Hebert
Oddly enough, he met Kufrin via FaceTime with Booth before filming began; she was on a “girls trip” in Fort Lauderdale with Kufrin and Caroline Lunny. He told Booth he was going to do the show whether it was her or Kufrin and she understood. His last call before filming went to her. She told him: “Just have fun and be yourself. Becca is an amazing person. And if you don’t end up with her, I’ll see your ass in Paradise.”
ABC/Paul Hebert
Underwood and Randolph briefly broke up in August and it hit him hard, although "nothing big happened" to lead to the fight. "It boiled down to me wanting to get engaged, wanting to set a timeline, and simply putting too much pressure on her when, in reality, none was needed," he wrote. "I wanted more. She wanted me to relax and smell the roses. In other words, don’t push. Don’t pressure. I interpreted that to mean she didn’t care about our relationship."
She left in tears but returned 14 hours later and they talked for hours. Other issues came to the surface. "We were continuing to learn communication, understanding, compromise, and a willingness to forgive. Also just how much we really, truly wanted to be together. The next time a problem arose, we were able to handle it,” he wrote, explaining that later, when personal details were somehow leaked to the media, they handled it together, trusted each other and grew closer because of it.
Danny Moloshok/Invision/AP/Shutterstockfrom Celebrity News – Us Weekly https://ift.tt/2QXeHVQ
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